Operation Caffeination

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Ten things about Darren, age two and a half

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1. I enjoy least your obsession with all things technological. I spend hours carefully researching toys and activities for you and work my behind off to be able to afford said toys and activities. It makes me crazy that you’d rather stare absently at a calculator (or a book set on its side to make an imaginary laptop) than engage in any of these undeniably healthier pastimes I work so hard to provide you with. JUSTPLAYWITHTHEGODDAMTOYS!

2. I enjoy least your tendency to beat dead horses into the ground. Your fixation with arrows, for example. I know they’re cool and all, but we’ve stopped to observe, discuss and probably photograph every single arrow we’ve seen for the last four months, and frankly, it’s taking its toll on my relationships…particularly my relationships with stores like IKEA. If you’ve seen one arrow, you really have seen them all. Just take a deep breath, and let it go.

3. I enjoy least the way you always have a plan in mind for each and every day…but you never bother to tell me what’s on your agenda. No amount of crying at 11pm will turn back the hands of time to allow us to make a quick run to the beach.

4. I enjoy least the way you require my 100% undivided attention in order to watch a movie. We discuss the plot, guess what might happen next, sort out the good guys versus the bad guys and skip all the scary parts… and while I love to spend time with you and hear your thoughts about anything and everything, I have to admit, I only turned the movie on in the first place because I really, really needed a tiny break from the constant discussion and debate. You’ve got to cut me some slack somewhere, kid.

5. I enjoy least the way you are constantly sneaking my IPhone away from me, no matter where I hide it. Really, it wouldn’t be such a huge deal except that you can’t be content with the little collection of free games I’ve put together for you. Instead, you follow me around chanting “Down! Load! Down! Load!” until I am ready to acquiesce to nearly any demand you can come up with. But you know what? No matter how long you chant, I am not downloading “Sexy Alphabet Deluxe.

6. I enjoy most your powers of observation. I am completely in love with the way you dance with your shadow, how you observe and name the phases of the moon, and your recent discovery of parallax. You really are a super bright guy.

7. I enjoy most your moments of conscious bravery: when you square your tiny baby shoulders and march back into the fray of the playground to assert your right to slide along with the biggest and the best of them, and when you take a deep breath and respond politely to the strangers to invariably try to converse with you on the bus. I know how hard it is for you to put yourself out there like that, partially because of our constant pep talks and partially because I still feel like melting down in those situations myself, as an adult. Watching you take on the world doesn’t just make me proud, it inspires me.

8. I enjoy most your wacky aesthetic sensibilities. I don’t know where it came from, but from infancy you have gravitated to the weirdest, goofiest looking things. Green teddy bears with antennae, talking tractors, fuzzy pompom creatures, oversized glitter glasses… the day you discovered Dr. Seuss was the best day of both of our lives. Finally, finally, something outlandish enough to suit your tastes that I can buy with a relatively clean conscience! Compromise is a beautiful thing.

9. I enjoy most your nurturing side. I love the way you pat my cheek when I cry, hold my hand when we walk places together and roll your eyes and sigh when we both know that I’m being a little ridiculous. I love how you fall asleep each night while playing with my hair and humming. You’re way better at this mothering stuff than I am…but thanks to you, I’m picking up a few things here and there.

10. I enjoy most your appreciation of everyday adventures. An afternoon walk in our smack-dab-in-the-middle-of-the-city neighborhood park is a hike in the woods in your mind, and a you’ll talk for weeks about our “trip to the beach” after splashing our toes in a nondescript little stream for an hour before nap. I can’t wait to introduce you to some truly adventurous activities- gradually, of course. I want to stay the cool person in your world for as long as possible.


Written by GRSeim

February 9, 2011 at 7:34 am

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