Operation Caffeination

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Looking Back

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I wrote this on June 21, 2011, the night before my sweet baby girl was born.

I feel small and sad, watching a really lovely piece of my life go and preparing to welcome the beginning of a new chapter. I’m gaining an unknown; unknown joys, unknown stresses, unknown headaches and laughter and miseries.

The thing is, I know in theory what having a daughter in my life will be like, but I’ve never experienced it and so I can’t miss it. I will always miss the time Darren and I have had all to ourselves, though. We are a great team. We get each other through the rough stuff and find ways to bring happiness to one another’s lives. I’ve never felt like I fit in anywhere before; I’ve never had a team to belong to, but with Darren…I definitely belong. I am just the right mom for him, and he is just the right son for me. At this point, our lives are one life; I know that, after a new baby enters the world and becomes part of our family, that precious dynamic will change forever. And while I strongly suspect that I will love this next chapter of my life as well…I know with complete certainty that there will always be a part of me that misses this beautiful, short little time as well.

So, so short.

It’s right for me to grieve a little as I bid it goodbye.

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Written by GRSeim

September 6, 2011 at 4:50 am

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